There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
