Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
