sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
