Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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