sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
