I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
