i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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