so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
