My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
