How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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