No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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