How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im six kinds of drunk right now
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize