Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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