I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
zippers are such a cool invention
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just found a bag of teeth...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
