super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
