and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
