I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
