pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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