I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
