You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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