Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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