My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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