I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We have started to decorate penises.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
