it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize