woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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