So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
