Life is so much better after having sex.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
