Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
