the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
