I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
