woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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