Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
