with your own penis?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
