You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You don't make any sense
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