she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
