butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
