I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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