I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
