if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
