Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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