So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
