I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Randomize
