I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
