Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
