I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
