Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
