walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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