just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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