It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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