My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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