Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
