Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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