a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
