Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
