One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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