he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
