i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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