Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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