I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
