Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
