please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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