Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
