he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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