dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
