Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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